


Carry On

by SecretlyInLove



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Depression, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Rated E for later chapters, brokenmakoto, clumsymakoto
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-27
Updated: 2015-12-11
Packaged: 2018-02-22 22:26:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2523956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SecretlyInLove/pseuds/SecretlyInLove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Makoto is experiencing complete heartbreak after realizing his feelings for Haru are not returned. Makoto goes through ups and downs, suffering from depression, when Sousuke appears and helps heal the brokenhearted mess that he has become.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Amnesia

**Author's Note:**

> Hey Guys! So this is my first Fic! Please be nice. I have just recently rewrote this first chapter, after trying and failing to write the second chapter for like a month. I felt that I didn't go into enough detail in it, and I just didn't like it at all. So here it is! I hope you like the revised chapter! PS the title of this chapter is taken from the song Amnesia by 5 Seconds of Summer (as well as the lyrics within the chapter).

Makoto lay in the warm water of his tub, knees bent. He was really too tall for the small tub that his apartment had. It had only been two weeks since he left for school in Tokyo, and the ever-growing pain of leaving his life in Iwatobi, his friends Nagisa and Rei, but more importantly Haru, had yet to dull. He had tried everything to keep busy, joining several clubs and even course overloading in order to keep the memories of that argument with Haru at bay. However, it was moments like this, lying in the bathtub, with only the sound of his heartbeat when his repressed feelings emerged and the memories came flooding back, hitting him like the force of a tsunami. 

The longer he laid there the more his chest hurt, an unbearable pain, to the point he could almost feel his heart breaking. He needed to get out and distract himself before the pain became too much to bear. Instead of listening to these rational thoughts, he continued to lie there; feeling pain was better than feeling nothing at all, right? A solitary tear slid down his cheek, falling into the water. He had to get out before he completely broke down, why hadn’t Haru reciprocated his feelings? Why didn’t he chase after him that night? Why did he leave with Rin to Australia? Was Haru in love with Rin? All of these questions flew through Makoto’s mind whenever he had a chance to stop and think. The truth was he would never know. He would never have the confidence to confront the black haired boy again. He couldn’t hold the tears back anymore they began to fall, the sobs of loss plaguing his body. He wasn’t sure how long he laid in the tub crying, but it had to have been quite some time, the water was no longer warm, and he began to shiver. Before he could wallow in his depression anymore, Makoto stood up and got out of the bathtub, drying himself off. 

He needed to go out for a run, maybe that would distract him enough from the very destructive thoughts that were beginning to surface at the back of his mind. Yes, in the past weeks since his fight with Haru, he had considered cutting himself, not for attention or to kill himself, but as a means of escape and release. He knew he was more then likely being irrational, you never ended up with your first love, like they do in the manga’s and movies, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. However painful, he persevered, and tried to come up with alternate mediums to escape, and the one that he found most effective was running. That it, that’s what he needed in order to escape this bout of heartache. He quickly dressed into a tracksuit, putting his headphones in; music he had discovered also had a way of healing his mind and taking his thoughts off of Haru and his unrequited love. 

Running was something Makoto had always enjoyed, and it was something he had taken up more after quitting swimming. It was a plus that he had found out that running was a good outlet and escape from his feelings about Haru. Which was far better then swimming, which reminded him of Haru. He had quickly given swimming up after nationals. Swimming and anything to do with the sport would always and forever bring up the memory of Haru, and he just needed to forget, and so it was only logical to give up on his dream of becoming a swim coach. He had given up so much for Haru, his heart and his dreams. Sure he had still come to Tokyo to come to school, but what for, he had no ambition, no idea of what to major or minor in now that he had nothing. Makoto wished that he could forget about him and move on, but he just couldn’t. It was a struggle everyday to get out of bed, and he feared he couldn’t face this alone anymore. But who was supposed to help him, Rei or Negisa? No, they were too happy together, and it was almost too painful to be around the happy couple. Too be honest with himself, he couldn’t push his problems onto his friends either, it just wasn’t him to burden them with his troubles.

He shook the thoughts from his mind as he exited his apartment building, he would figure that out later, for now he would go running, have a rush of endorphins and forget all about that black haired boy that caused him all this pain and grief. He had begun to run around the park just outside of his apartment frequently, to clear his mind. It was beautiful, and had several walking paths through a wooded area around a pond. He began to focus on running, one foot in front of the other, and slowly the thoughts of Haru began to leave him. The repetitive motion that required focus was extremely calming for the young man. As he picked up his speed all the memories of him and Haru became foggy, and he was just about in the clear, but it was at this point, Makoto’s IPod began playing Amnesia, an English song he had come across a few weeks ago. This song was not ideal for him, it always reminded him of Haru, and the chorus of the song resonated deeply with him. 

_Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie?_  
 _If what we had was real, how could you be fine?_  
 _'Cause I'm not fine at all…_  
 _And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them_  
 _Like every single wish we ever made_  
 _I wish that I could wake up with amnesia_  
 _And forget about the stupid little things_  
 _Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you_  
 _And the memories I never can escape_  
 _'Cause I'm not fine at all_

The abrupt wave of emotion that came over Makoto was too much. His eyes began to become blurry, as thoughts of Haru began to push their way back to the surface. He pushed harder; maybe a full out sprint would be enough to push the thoughts and tears away completely. However, the song had different plans for him. The chorus once again repeated, and he began to wonder how glorious it would be to just wake up and not remember Haru, and be able to do the things he had always dreamed of, going to university becoming a swim coach, teaching kids to swim, getting married, teaching his own kids to swim, but that he felt would never be the case. He wished he could just wake up with amnesia and forget all about the times they shared together growing up, his feelings of love and lust for the black haired, blue eyed boy, and most of all the feeling of heartbreak over his rejected feelings. Running in this great of an emotional state was not good, it made him forget his surroundings, and his clumsy feet soon found the large branch that had fallen across the path, making him trip and fall onto the rough pavement. As he made impact with the pavement Makoto finally broke; he curled in on himself, allowing his repressed feelings and sobs to escape. Goddamn it, Haru! He had finally broken him down; nothing in the world could stop the emotions and pain from pushing forward and breaking his heart. 

He could faintly hear someone running up to him, and a firm hand being placed on his shoulder forcing him into a sitting position. Makoto could vaguely feel the sting of the fresh cuts and bruises forming on his knees and palms as looked up to see a young man with turquoise eyes, staring down at him with concern. He was talking, but Makoto couldn’t hear him over the music playing through his headphones and the sound of his unrelenting sobs. Embarrassment flushed across his face, looking away from the boy, he tried to force the sobs from breaking through his mouth. He was sure he looked like a sight, a red-faced, bloody, sobbing mess. He tried his best to avoid eye contact, but the stranger had those eyes that were hard to look away from for too long, they demanded attention. Makoto glanced back up to see a look of frustration crossing the boy’s face as he reached forward to rip the headphones out of his ears, shaking his shoulders slightly. “Idiot, I’m talking to you! Are you all right? What the hell were you doing running like a crazed moron! You could have seriously hurt yourself! Open your eyes!” the boy yelled.

Makoto just looked up at the boy in shocked amazement, couldn’t he see that he clearly was not fine; he was a blubbering, sobbing mess! However, Makoto would not let him know his pain, he would not impose his problems on anyone, he would deal with them himself. He took a breath, pushing his last sob down and wiping his tears away frantically, “I’m fine. I just didn’t see the branch is all, my mind was a little preoccupied.”

The stranger’s hard gaze softened a little, as he shook his head from side to side in disbelief, before he standing from his crouched position in front of Makoto, offering his hand to the boy. Makoto reached out and grabbed his hand, accepting the help to stand, but that would be the only help he would willingly accept. “My name is Yamazaki Sousuke, are you sure you’re alright? Your leg is bleeding quite a bit.”

Makoto looked down fully registering the physical pain in his knee. He tried to put some pressure on it, but his knee buckled, nearly falling, but a pair of strong arms caught him, righting him into a standing position. Sousuke gave the boy a look of concern before asking, “Where do you live? I should help you home, in this condition you won’t make it on your own.” 

“Oh, I will be fine, thank you for your concern.” Makoto responded, pulling himself from the grasp of the taller boy. He turned to walk and once again his leg buckled under him. He could hear a sigh of frustration from behind him, but frustrated or not Sousuke helped him up again, placing one of Makoto’s arms around his neck, and asking once again, “where do you live, you moron?”

He realized he had no choice but to inform the strange man where he lived, hoping this wouldn’t come back to haunt him, surely someone so genuine would be some ax murderer or anything like that. “Ummm… just in the apartment building on the other side of the park, do you know where that is?” Sousuke grunted in response and started to walk them towards Makoto’s apartment in silence. The silence was too much for Makoto, he hated silence it always allowed his mind to wander to unhappy times. To avoid the piercing silence, he decided to speak, “Thank you for your help.”

Sousuke stopped walking, and turned his head to look at the boy, raising an eyebrow, “Your welcome. What were you doing out here running like that? Especially at night, you could have really hurt yourself.” Sousuke’s eyebrows came together in thought for quite some time before he asked, “What were you running from?”  
Makoto’s breath caught, was it that obvious he was running from something? “Sorry, I just needed to get out… I needed to run,” he responded with a hint of desperation in his voice, avoiding the question all together.

His response only caused Sousuke’s eyebrows to come together further, but he didn’t say anymore, he just continued to help Makoto limp back to his apartment. As they approached the main doors Sousuke stopped and looked once again at the brown haired, green eyed boy, beginning to wonder what it was that had made this boy break down. He was curious; he had to know. “Sorry I didn’t catch your name, what is it?” he asked. 

“Tachibana Makoto,” he replied quietly. 

Sousuke remembered that name from somewhere, but he couldn’t remember from where, and it was going to bug him. He could swear he had seen the boy somewhere as well, was it in one of his university classes? No, it couldn’t have been he hadn’t been paying that much attention to anything other then how boring the classes were. Was it possibly from high school? Did they attend the same high school? Or did he maybe compete against him when he competitively swam? He couldn’t figure it out, and it was being to frustrate him. He sighed, “Well, Tachibana, we have made it to the building, I’d best help you up to your apartment, I doubt you’ll be able to handle stairs at this point, so what number are you?”

The boy flushed, clearly embarrassed, but responded quietly, “203.”  
“Okay. I’ll take you up there, but you shouldn’t go out running like that anymore. Seriously, what where you thinking?” he shook his head, this boy sure was thought provoking.

Makoto looked down at the pavement, “I wasn’t, that was the point. I need to stop thinking, I need to stop remembering…” This caught Sousuke off guard. What was it that was disturbing this boy so much that he needed to stop thinking, and remembering? Seriously, life couldn’t be that bad for him, he seemed to be doing all right, having an apartment to himself, living so close to the university, and as he helped the boy into the apartment he could clearly see that he was in fact a university student. Clearly he didn’t have it that hard, so what was he running from? Sousuke shook the thoughts from his head and helped Makoto over to the couch, where he left the boy. One thing was sure, he would definitely find out how he knew this boy and what it was that was so wrong with this boy.


	2. Can't Get You Out of My Head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Everyone! Yes I am still alive! Sorry it took me so long to update! Ive been crazy busy with work, and then I experienced a shoulder issue, yes it was my right one. I was in extreme pain and just couldn't even think about updating, however I was able to channel my inner Sousuke throughout the whole process. In addition, after attempting to write this chapter the first time, I decided I hated how I wrote the first chapter so I rewrote it and added to it (so if you feel like it go and re-read it). I hope it is better. And sorry that this chapter is so short, but anyway, here is the chapter enjoy!

It had been a week since Sousuke had helped Makoto up to his apartment after coming across him on the jogging path. Just one look at that boy had told him all he needed to know; the boy was suffering from some serious emotional issues. After years of being friends with Rin, Sousuke was not new to the signs of emotional stress. However, he still couldn’t figure out how he knew that name, or why he had looked so familiar. He hadn’t seen him in any of his classes so far, but that wasn’t surprising, the classes were huge, and his history class had been canceled twice since he had come across Tachibana. The more he thought about it the more frustrated he became, Sousuke shook his head trying to shake the thoughts of that strange boy out of his head, he needed to concentrate on this lecture. Psychology was not his best subject, but he couldn’t stop his mind from constantly drifting off towards that boy. 

He found that his mind wandered to Makoto, both when he was awake and when he slept. The dreams were beginning to bother Sousuke, why was he having such steamy dreams about a boy he had only known for a whole of twenty minutes, and hadn’t seen since? And why were they about a boy? He was so confused; he’d never felt anything like this before. He shook the thought from his mind, it had to be because he was so focused on finding out who this boy was, his dreams meant nothing, he was sure of it. 

Before he could think about it any further, his professor ended class, _finally!_ he thought. Why was he even taking psychology? He hated it, but it was a required class for his degree, how it applied to physiotherapy he didn’t care to know. As he began to pack up his school bag, his phone began to buzz; he twisted around to grab the phone out of his jacket, hanging on his chair. He twisted too fast, over extending his right arm, causing a hot burning pain to shoot through his right shoulder. He hissed in pain grabbing his shoulder, briefly ignoring the phone, but it continued to buzz. Sousuke huffed, snatching up the phone with his left hand, looking down at the caller ID, _Rin_. Of course it was him. He answered with a growl, “What do you want? I’m just getting out of class, you should have just messaged me.”

All he heard on the other end was a chuckle before his redheaded friend responded, “Well, well, well, someone sounds grumpy.”

“Oh shut up, shark tooth, your one to talk!” he barked back. “What is it that you wanted anyway?”

“Oh I was just calling to see how my dear friends first two weeks of school were going, and to let him know that I am going to be moving back to Australia for awhile to train for swimming.” Rin responded, dropping the big news so casually.

This caught Sousuke off guard, he knew Rin was considering a professional career in swimming, but he always thought Rin would stay in Japan; he hadn’t considered that he would once again leave him to go to Australia. He was shocked to say the least; he just stood there opening and closing his mouth, trying to come up with something to say, all the while becoming angrier and angrier at his friend. Clearly he had taken too long, because Rin spoke, “Sorry to kind of spring this up on you, but I’m leaving tomorrow, and I just wanted to let you know. I also wanted to make sure that school was going well and that you weren’t stressed. And to make sure that you are looking after your shoulder, you know how you get with it when you’re stressed.”

That pissed him off, everyone was always babying him and his stupid shoulder injury, and he wasn’t an infant he could look after himself. “Schools fine, you idiot, and my shoulder was fine until you called! Forget my shoulder, what the hell are you doing waiting until now to tell me your leaving the country for an unknown amount of time you ass!”

“Hey! Calm down Sou! I’m sorry, I just found out myself!” he yelled back.

Sousuke took several ragged breaths, “Fine! But I have to go to my next class, have a grand old time in Australia.” He hung up before Rin could respond. He quickly shoved his cell phone into his jeans pocket and rammed the remaining books into his small sports duffle bag. He could feel his phone vibrating in his pocket again, but he was too angry to answer it. That asshole, how dare he spring something like that on him over the phone! It was just like last time…I bet Nanase even knew before him. God what an ass! He stormed out of the classroom and down the hall. He was so focused on getting to his next class, he wasn’t paying attention to his surroundings and he ran right into a plaid clad back. “Hey watch where you are going!” he snapped looking up and catching the eyes of Tachibana who had turned around to see who was yelling at him. 

Makoto’s eyes widened, and his face paled. “I’m so sorry,” he stammered out.

Sousuke sighed, “It’s not your fault Tachibana. I wasn’t watching where I was going, and Rin totally pissed me off! Wait why am I telling you this? You don’t even know who he is, sorry.” 

He put his head down and went to side step the boy, when he heard him speak up “Matsuoka Rin?” he questioned. Sousuke stopped dead, head turning towards the boy, shocked. Did he know Rin?

“Yes, do you know him?” Sousuke asked.

“Oh yes, I swam with him as a child, and then in high school we competed against his school, that is when he got back from Australia. How do you know him? And what did he do?” Makoto responded.

Sousuke suddenly knew exactly who Tachibana was; he was one of the swimmers from Iwatobi. “I knew that I had seen you somewhere. I competed against you in high school as well. Rin is one of my good friends, and the ass hat just informed me he is leaving for Australia for training. He leaves tomorrow. Who does that over the phone!”

“Ahhh, I’d love to talk to you about Rin, but I’m going to be late for history.” Makoto responded fidgeting, starting to walk away. 

“Don’t worry about it, were probably late already, lets just skip. How are your knees?” Sousuke coolly replied. He was way too frustrated to have to go and sit in another class for an hour, and the thought of being able to distract himself from his fight with Rin with questioning Makoto seemed all the more entertaining. 

“Oh, I don’t know about that. Class is important you know, what if we miss something?” Makoto asked, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, clearly uncomfortable about it.

“Tachibana of course we will miss something we wont be there,” he replied sarcastically. “Come on, do something fun! Be spontaneous!”

“Oh…I don’t know…maybe just one class will be okay,” he shy boy replied.

Sousuke grinned at him and motioned for him to follow. He sure wasn’t going to hang around in the hallway; if they were going to skip they may as well go to a café. He was going to find out what exactly Makoto had been running from that night. “Seriously Tachibana, how are those knee’s they looked pretty bad when I left you,” he questioned.

“Oh you know, sore. I keep cracking open the cuts, so they are taking forever to heal. And they are quite bruised.” He responded trying to avoid all eye contact with him.

“Hmmm… well that is to be expected you did take quite the fall. Come on let’s go to that café over there,” he said pointing to the campus coffee shop. 

“Okay,” Makoto shyly responds, “but I can’t stay too long, I have another class right after world history.”

The two walked over to the café, at a much slower pace then Sousuke would have liked, but he was sure Makoto was more hurt then he was letting on. They quickly ordered their drinks; with Makoto insisting that he pay for all the inconvenience he had caused Sousuke the other night. Sousuke shrugged allowing it, he would get some answers out of this boy, or else it might drive him insane, he didn’t know if he could handle the constant wandering of his mind to the tall boy, nor the dreams about him anymore.


	3. Revive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys!  
> Im so so so so so Sorry i took so long to update. I just had zero motivation to write this fic anymore until last night. So here it is... thanks for staying faithful! I hope you guys like it!  
> I took the chapter title from the song Revive by Hands like Houses.
> 
> SecretlyInLove

They sat down in the back of the café, slightly secluded from the rest of the tables. As they sat down Sousuke noticed Makoto glance around the café, before his eyes came back to Sousuke, where he politely smiled and looked down, a small blush rising on his cheeks. Raising his eyebrow, Sousuke wondered why he was so bashful, but didn’t say anything. They sat in silence for a moment before he started some small talk, “So Tachibana, what degree are you trying to get?”

The smile fell from his face, making Sousuke frown, “While I had originally applied to do a physical educated degree, so I could become a swim coach… but I recently gave that up, so I am currently attending university with an undeclared major and minor. What about you?”

Sousuke stared at the green-eyed boy, slowly bringing his Americano up to his lips to drink. Hmm that’s interesting, he thought, why would he give up something like that, clearly swimming was important to the boy, he had swam his whole life. Placing his cup back down on the table, he continued to stare at the boy. Finally, after seeing Makoto shifting uncomfortably, he answered, “I am trying to get a physiotherapy degree. How come you gave up on becoming a swim coach?”

Makoto’s eyes snapped up from examining a stain on the white marble table to look Sousuke straight in the eye, a glimpse of fear flashing within the emerald orbs, causing Sousuke to raise an eyebrow. “Well… you see… it is… well it’s… personal, and… well complicated. Its really a long story,” Makoto stuttered, eyes returning to the stain.

“Hmmm…” Sousuke hummed, taking another sip of his drink, perhaps sharing some of his story would help the shy boy open up. “Is it really that complicated or are you just avoiding talking about something painful?” He paused looking at the boy, who continued to shift uncomfortably in his seat. “I kinda know how that feels. Take me for example, the true reason I’m pissed that Rin is going away to Australia is that I feel I should be going with him, but no, I fucked up any chance of that ever happening. I pushed myself to hard and injured my shoulder; they say I’ll never be able to competitively swim again. Having my dream ripped from me because I worked to hard for it, ironic isn’t it? Now that’s painful, and to have my stupid shoulder remind me of it every freaking day doesn’t help either.” Part way through Sousuke’s little rant, Makoto had looked up to peer at him, shock clearly evident upon his face. “So tell me Makoto, why did you really give up on becoming a swim coach, it must have been a dream for you?”

Makoto just stared at the boy. Was it okay to burden someone with his problems? He barely knew Sousuke, but still, was it okay to finally open up and tell someone? It’s not like it would make the pain go away even if he did. He looked down at the table again, there was something so sincere about those turquoise eyes, and if Makoto was honest with himself he had been found himself thinking about his midnight savior, several times over the past week. Truly someone who was that helpful, wouldn’t mind listening right? But it wasn’t just a regular story, he was gay, and to be frank it’s still not accepted by many people, what if he opened up to Sousuke and he was pushed away in disgust. Makoto began to play with the sleeve of his shirt nervously, trying to avoid answering, but he knew he had to. “Well you see, it was a dream of mine for a long time… but well water and swimming tends to remind me of something painful…” he petered off looking at anything he could to avoid making eye contact with boy sitting across from him.

“Well clearly I understand that, but what could be so painful? You don’t look like your hurt in any way?” Sousuke questioned.

“Well you see it’s more of an emotional or psychological hurt than a physical hurt,” he murmured in response.

“I see…” Sousuke responded clearing his throat. Emotional issues he was used to, you had to be if you wanted to be friends with Rin, the boy cried any chance he got. “Well try me, I’m sure it’s not that bad.”

_Well_ Makoto thought _it is bad, who gives up their dreams because of unrequited love? A silly teenager that’s who, but still could he tell Sousuke it was Haru? No, it’s probably best that he didn’t, but that doesn’t mean he couldn’t still tell him the gist of his problems right?_ “Well you see… I had a really good friend, and we shared the passion of swimming together. We started swimming at an early age together he… I mean she, helped me get over my fear of the ocean, and helped me develop my love for swimming, and my dream to become a swimming coach. However, I began to develop feelings for this individual, and when I confessed during an argument at the end of high school, they yelled and fled. I haven’t talk to him, I mean her since. I have no motivation to swim anymore, and the thought of swimming just brings back the memories of them and the unrequited love I had for that person. I know it seems silly right? Giving up your dream just because your not loved back? I keep telling myself that, but still it doesn’t hurt any less.” 

Sousuke hadn’t missed the slip-ups, Makoto had tried to cover them up, but it was clear Makoto was in love with a boy, but who? It truly didn’t bug him, Rin had confessed to being gay last year, you cannot help whom you love. But to give your dream up over something like that, now that was crazy. “Well I see that this _individual_ gave you some heart ache, but I must say I do think it is silly to give up your dreams for the future because of some ass hat. What you need to do is find different memories, good memories to do with swimming that will help you through the bad times. Do any come to mind? What brought forth the idea to be a swim coach?”

“Well I had a part time job in high school, where I taught young kids how to swim. It was so fun! I even helped this one boy conquer his fear of swimming. I felt like I had truly made a difference.” Makoto replied smiling.

“See that is a memory you need to focus on, and forget this person that hurt you. I know it hurts right now, but eventually the pain will end and you will be fine. Do you wanna wake up one day and realize you gave all your dreams up for a boy who clearly didn’t appreciate you the way you deserve to be?” Sousuke questioned, raising an eyebrow.

Makoto’s eyes shot up from staring at the floor, to stare wide-eyed at Sousuke. He chuckled, “Yes I figured it out, don’t worry your secret is safe with me, I wont tell anyone if you don’t want me to, but answer the question.”

The boy began to pick at the sleeve on his coffee cup. Was Sousuke right? Could he still follow his dream? He began to bite his lip, a nervous habit he had developed recently. Would his feelings for Haru disappear? He was sure time would heal, but still right now it was so painful. “No, I don’t want to have given up my dreams,” he whispered, “but the memories of him are so painful and prominent right now.”

“I didn’t say they would disappear overnight, they’ll be there for a long time, but you just have to think about other things when those memories surface. Think about how many people you would help in the future, hell make new memories, fall in love again, its not the end of the world, you’re 18 there are plenty of fish in the sea,” Sousuke responded. “Was he the reason for you erratic running last night?”

“Yes…” Makoto mumbled, he looked down at his watch, and jumped up. “Im going to be late for anthropology.” He bowed slightly, “Thank you for coffee Sousuke! And for the advice!” 

Makoto grabbed up his book bag and coffee and began to run out the door, leaving Sousuke sitting there flabbergasted at the quick exit of the boy. So Makoto was having trouble getting over a boy, who was it? Why was he so hung up on this boy? Clearly he’s an attractive young male, he could get any woman or man for that matter, why stay so hung up on one individual? _Ugh!_ he thought, this talk was supposed to answer all the questions he had, _damn it_ , now he had more questions then answers. 

Sousuke stood, picking up his bag and slinging it over his shoulder. In the process, he felt his phone vibrate for what felt like the thousandth time. Pulling out his phone he had ten new text messages, and six missed calls from Rin. Sighing, he opened the text messages:

_Rin ☺_   
_New Message (10:05): Sousuke answer your damn phone! I’m not finished talking 2 u_   
_New Message (10:06): I’m sorry for springing this on you, seriously dude answer your phone!_   
_New Message (10:08): I can’t leave if you’re pissed at me. Sousuke please!_   
_New Message (10:10): Fine then I don’t want to talk to you, you are an ass hole!_   
_New Message (10:11): I’m sorry I didn’t mean that, Sou… please answer._   
_New Message (10:20): Your mad at me aren’t you? I’m so sorry, please call me so I can explain._   
_New Message (10:30): Sou… are you alive? Your not ignoring my messages are you?_   
_New Message (10:35): If you don’t call me soon, I’m reporting you as a missing person._   
_New Message (10: 45): Common Sou… please!_   
_New Message (10:50): Okay Sou… when your not mad at me anymore please call. I leave tomorrow at noon. Please call me before then?_

Sousuke shook his head, dialing the irritating boys number. It rang four times before Rin answered, “Sou! Thank god, I’m so sorry! I should have told you sooner, I know how you feel about change, but I just didn’t know how to tell you I was leaving again. I know how badly you handled it the last time I up and left. Please don’t hate me!”

Sighing Sousuke began to speak, “Rin I don’t hate you. I’m jealous, I should be going with you, but I ruined any chance of ever competitively swimming, and you leaving just brings up that memory. I truly am happy here in Tokyo getting my physiotherapy degree to help those like me, and prevent this from happening to anyone else, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt that you’re going on to accomplish the dream I once had. I wish you the best, and you better win a gold medal for the two of us, okay?”

Sousuke could hear Rin start to cry, slow sobs working their way through the phone, “Damn it are you crying Rin?”

“NO! I have something in my eye.” He defended.

“Sure you do. Anyway remember that okay? Win for the both of us, okay, and do your best!”

“I will… wait what took you so long to answer me Sou? I thought you had gone and hurt yourself of something.” 

Smiling to himself Sousuke responded, “I bumped into someone… remember how I told you about that guy I helped in the park last week? Well it turns out it was Tachibana, from Iwotobi.”

“Oh! Makoto! Really? He’s in Tokyo? Wow! I thought he would’ve just fallowed Haru to the United States to train being as those two were inseparable. How is the boy?” Rin asked still sniffling.   
“Really? Inseparable?” Realization dawned on Sousuke, Haru. Of course it was Nanase, he ruined everything, _fucking idiot_ , “Anyway he’s not doing so well, hung up on some unrequited love, given up all his dreams and such. He’s quite intriguing to be honest. There is something about him, I don’t know, I just can’t get him off my mind.”

“OH! You have a crush on Makoto!” Rin began to giggle.

“What? No! I just want to know more about him, seriously Rin!”

“Sure… you wanna know more about him… that is all.”

“Ugh… what ever Rin, anyway have a safe trip okay? Text me when you land in Australia, I’ve got to get to class.” 

“Okay, Sou… I’ll miss you!” 

“Ill miss you too Rin.” Sousuke hung up before, he could hear Rin cry anymore, it always bugged him when Rin began to cry, it was so sad and he wasn’t there to stop it. 

He began to walk out of the coffee shop towards his class, the conversation he had with Rin fresh on his mind, he couldn’t possibly have a crush on Tachibana, or could he?


	4. Find A Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys! Im alive! Sorry I haven't updated in forever. I don't really have an excuse other then i couldn't figure out where i wanted to go with this story. But here is another chapter. Enjoy!

Makoto sat in anthropology, tapping the end of his pencil on his notebook, earning a glare from the girl sitting next to him. He sighed, it wasn’t his fault he couldn’t concentrate, who even liked anthropology it was truly a boring subject. Maybe Sousuke was right, the only classes he seemed to like where the ones suited towards his physical education degree, clearly deep down he still wanted to be a swim coach. But how could he do it? It seemed like the memories of Haru would haunt him forever, never allowing him to reach that dream.

Paying attention was obviously not going to happen during this class; Sousuke had given him too much to think about. Should he have given up so easily? Should he have fought harder to do what made him happy? Possibly, but that didn’t make him feel any better. He knew that he should listen to Sousuke, find a new reason to forge ahead with his dream, forget about Haru, but it was hard. How do you even go about forgetting something that was your everything for so many years? Makoto sighed, looking at his watch, only another ten minutes of this class, and then he could go home, and try and forget about this day and that conversation. 

Makoto looked up to the front of the classroom where his professor was writing the readings and assignment due for the next class and quickly jotted them down in his book, sighing once again realizing that he hadn’t taking a single note down. Now he was really going to have to read the textbook closely to get caught up. He began to pack up his bag, standing to leave, when he felt his phone go off in his pocket. Pulling out his phone he saw a text message from an unknown number. 

_Unknown_   
_New Message: Hey Tachibana, this is Sousuke. I hope you don’t mind but I got your number off of Rin. What time is your class done? Wanna go home together?_

Makoto shook his head, couldn’t he see a lost cause when he looked at it? Letting out a long sigh he typed an answer back _Hello! I just finished my last class for the day. I’ll meet you at the train station._ He had really just wanted to head home and go for a run, and try and clear his mind, but it seemed that was not going to happen. Shoving his phone back into his pocket he walked out of the classroom and into the universities quad. 

Looking down he began the short trek to the university train station, hoping the trip home would go fast. His thoughts quickly went back to his conversation with Sousuke. What was he going to do? Should he take up his dream again? He was so unsure. All that he knew was that his heart hurt, and that he loved swimming and helping people. He began to push the thoughts away, focusing instead on the bricks under his feet, putting one foot in front of the other, and before he knew it he had reached the station. He looked up briefly, looking for Sousuke, but he didn’t see him. Makoto walked over to the benches and looked at the schedule, the train wouldn’t be here for another 5 minutes, so he sat down. He took his phone out and began to play Tetris to pass the time.

Makoto didn’t even notice Sousuke walk up to him, and sit down until he felt a nudge against his right shoulder. He looked up and saw Sousuke looking at him. He was smiling at him, yet his eyes looked both concerned and curious at the same time, his mouth opened, and then closed again, his eyebrows coming together in thought. “How was your class?” he asked.

“It was dreadfully boring. I hate anthro. But it was something to take, I thought maybe if I took a little of everything I’d find a new passion, but I haven’t,” Makoto responded looking away from Sousuke, standing up as the train pulled up.

Sousuke followed him onto the train and found them some seats. “Yea, I heard anthro was boring,” he responded, looking Makoto in the eyes as he sat down next to him. 

The train doors closed and began to move with a lurch, causing Makoto’s shoulder to bump into Sousuke’s. Sousuke flinched a little; his shoulder had begun to bug him again, with the change in the weather. They had warned him that when the weather got colder he might experience some arthritic pain, and sure enough he felt it. The flinch didn’t go unnoticed by Makoto who lurched away, “I’m so sorry Sousuke! I should have known! I’m so sorry! I didn’t hurt you did I?”

Sousuke chuckled, “No you didn’t. Its just a little tender right now,” he said as he stretched his arm out, “they warned me this past summer when I had the surgery that I might begin to experience some arthritic pain in it during the colder months. It’s just started to act up. No big deal. I just need to go and stretch it out, strengthen it up.”

Makoto reached his hand out to touch Sousuke’s shoulder lightly, “Are you sure I didn’t hurt you?” he asked, concern evident in his eyes. 

“Nah, honestly Makoto I’m fine,” Sousuke responded.

“Still I’m sorry I should have been more careful,” he responded looking down at his hands.

Sousuke reached out grasping Makoto’s forearm, causing him to look up at the teal-eyed boy. Looking into his eyes he said, “I told you I’m okay. It is not your fault Makoto.” 

Makoto looked into his eyes, nodded and then looked back down at his hands, bringing one up to rub the back of his neck, sighing, “I’m sorry Sousuke, I know it’s not my fault, but I cant help but apologize.” 

Sousuke removed his hand from Makoto’s arm. “That’s okay Makoto.” He needed to change the topic, Makoto’s mood was plummeting he could tell. “What are your plans for the evening?” he grinned, bumping Makoto with his shoulder, “I hope no reckless running is planed.”

Chuckling, a small smile creeping onto his face, Makoto responded, “No, I learned by lesson last week. A kind stranger warned me that reckless running is a hazard to my health.” He looked up and smiled at the other boy.

“Hmmm… what a knowledgeable stranger,” he smirked. “I’m planning to go the gym tonight, work my shoulder a bit with some weights, and then hit the pool for a light swim, might loosen up the muscles a bit, you game?”

Panic flashed across Makoto’s face, swimming, he hadn’t done that since he left Iwatobi. Should he? Could he? Before he could dwell on it too long Sousuke interrupted his thoughts, “Common, it’s not going to kill you, maybe you’ll remember why you loved swimming in the first place.”

The train began to slow down, signaling that Makoto and Sousuke’s stop had come. Makoto swallowed and stood, turning to look at Sousuke, “I don’t know if that’s the best thing for me…” he trailed off shuffling from side to side.

Sousuke shook his head and stood to as the train came to a complete stop. He began to walk off the train followed by Makoto, he turned around once they were in the middle of the platform, “I do, and I’ll pick you up at seven.” He promptly turned and walked away leaving Makoto standing there with the refusal left unheard on his lips.

Sighing Makoto turned the other way and began his walk home; there is truly no use in fighting it. Perhaps when Sousuke comes at seven he’ll pretend he’s not home, or sick. He could text and tell him no. But who is he kidding? He will probably end up going, he cannot say no to anyone.

\-----------------------------

Sousuke smiled as he walked away. He had come up with the plan to help Makoto during his last class. If he helped Makoto, then he could stop thinking about him, because it was clearly just his concern for the boy that made him be a constant fixture of his thoughts. If he helped Makoto, he could move on and stop thinking about the boy. The first step to his plan was getting his number out of Rin, who was more then willing to oblige, however it was accompanied with several comments about Sousuke having a crush on Makoto, which he persistently rejected. The second step was getting the boy to go to the gym with him, and then getting him to swim again. Maybe if he got the boy into the pool swimming, he would remember why he loved to swim. And if he remembered why he loved to swim, he could go back to becoming a swim coach. Sousuke’s smile grew, damn he was a genius! He would be rid of his problem in no time at all.

\-----------------------

Seven came before he knew it and there was a knock at the door. Makoto shuffled off the couch, looking over at his gym bag, he could still back out and pretend to not be at home. There was another knock at the door followed by, “I know you’re in there Tachibana, you cant back out of this.” Sighing he picked up the bag and walked over to the door, opening it.

Sousuke stood there in a black and white tracksuit with his duffle bag slung over his shoulder. Makoto huffed, “I really don’t think this is a good idea, Sousuke. I’m not ready to go swimming.” 

Sousuke scowled. “If you’re allowed to decide that you’ll never be ready. Common we are going.” He reached forward grabbing Makoto’s hand and pulled him out the door closing it behind them. He proceeded to pull Makoto down the hall and stairs and out of his building. Once outside of the building Sousuke slowed down allowing Makoto to fall instep beside him. 

Sousuke was a persistent person Makoto thought as he came up beside him. Makoto felt a slight warmth still in his hand, looking down he noticed Sousuke hadn’t let go of his hand after pulling him out of his apartment building. It felt nice; a blush crept up his neck and cheeks, causing him to come to a stop. Sousuke who hadn’t realized he was still holding Makoto’s hand was jerked to a stop. Sousuke looked down, realizing that he was holding Makoto’s hand he let go. Clearing his throat he said, “Common, let’s get going. The gym is just another block away.” He turned and continued to walk, only briefly looking over his shoulder to see if he was being followed and he was.

Makoto smiled to himself, looking at his hand where Sousuke had held it. His heart skipped a beat when Sousuke had looked at him, before letting go of his hand. What was this new feeling? He’d only felt this once before, with Haru. But it couldn’t be, he wasn’t developing feelings for the teal-eyed boy was he? Shaking his head his looked up seeing Sousuke walking away, he began to follow, remaining a few steps behind him. Perhaps this was a new beginning for Makoto.

They arrived at the gym in no time. Sousuke was much quicker getting changed then Makoto, having arrived at the weights first and was beginning to stretch his shoulder out, when Makoto approached. Noticing Makoto, he spoke up, “I’m going to work my shoulder here with the machines, do what ever you want. We will stay here for an hour and then go to the pool.” 

Makoto nodded walking over to the treadmills, he’d focus on cardio. He put his earphones in; he climbed onto the treadmill and began to run. He pushed himself, doing hill intervals, in no time he was out of breath, but pushed forward for another twenty minutes and then began the processes of cooling down. He looked over at Sousuke who was now using a machine that forced him to pull a cord at an angle from above his shoulder to his opposite hip. It was then that Makoto noticed the black brace covering his shoulder. Frowning, Makoto began to feel sad. How horrible would it have been to have your dream ripped from you for working too hard for it, it just wasn’t right. People like Sousuke deserved to be living their dream, standing on the podium holding that medal. He definitely deserved it. Looking away from Sousuke and down at his iPod, he realized he had been on the treadmill for quite some time. He shut the machine down, and walked over to the machine next to Sousuke, taking a seat, he began to do some bicep curls. 

Sousuke briefly looked at Makoto when he approached, but continued to work his shoulder. It was getting sore, he had to stop soon, or else he would overdo it, but he hated how weak it had become. Sighing he stopped, knowing he couldn’t push it the way he had in the past or else any progress he had made since his surgery would be moot. Picking up his water bottle and taking a drink he walked over to Makoto, who was in his own world lifting weights. Waving his hand in front of Makoto’s face to get his attention, Sousuke grabbed one of the ear buds in Makoto’s ear, pulling it out. Makoto looked up, putting the weight down. “Lets head to the pool Makoto, I’m done here,” Sousuke said heading towards the change room. 

He grabbed his things and followed Sousuke. Once in the change room they grabbed their bags and headed towards the pool and the change room there, where they split up to change into their swimsuits. Having entered a private changing stall Makoto began shaking as he was pulling his jammers on. This was a mistake. He could feel the pain in his chest, making breathing difficult. He sat down in the changing stall; tears began to flow down his face. Breathing deeply he tried to calm himself down, but he couldn’t. 

\----------------------

Sousuke had been standing out by the starting blocks waiting for Makoto for several minutes. Realizing something must have happened, he turned and walked back into the change room, calling out Makoto’s name. He received no answer, he began to walk along the wall of changing stalls, and he could faintly hear ragged breathing, followed by the occasional sob. He stopped in front of the one he had vaguely remembered Makoto entering. Knocking on the door he softly called out, “Tachibana, you in there? You okay?” 

Makoto tensed up, Sousuke was there. How long had he been sitting here crying? He squeaked, and responded “Uh, Sousuke. I’m fine, but I don’t think I can do this.”

Sousuke looked around the change room and sighed. Sitting down on the floor, his back against the door. “Yes you can Makoto. I will be with you; you will find a way to do this. You can swim again, I know you can.”

“How can you be so sure? You barely know me,” Makoto whispered.

“I’ve seen you swim before. You swam so gracefully and passionately. You can do this, Makoto; you’re a fighter not a quitter. Now common, lets go.” Sousuke stood up turning to face the door.

On the other side of the door Makoto had stood up, and shoved his clothes in his bag. He had decided Sousuke was right, it was time to start fighting back, it was time to live his life and stop focusing on the past. Wiping his cheeks, he took a deep breath and opened the door. Sousuke stood there, arms crossed, waiting patiently for Makoto. He stepped forward reaching out for Makoto’s shoulder, giving it a squeeze, he said, “Lets go, I’ll race you.”

Makoto managed a weak smile, and nodded. Sousuke turned from Makoto walking out of the change room and over to the pool. Makoto quickly placed his bag into a locker and followed him out. Sousuke once again stood by the starting blocks waiting for Makoto. He walked over, taking a deep breath, he said “Thank Sousuke. Lets do this.”

Stepping up to the block, he let out a shaky breath. He could do this. He will do this. It is time to move on with his life. He needs to fight for his dream like Sousuke did. He cannot give up. He stepped onto the block and took his position. It felt so natural, felt so right. Looking to his left, Sousuke was doing the same thing. He turned to look at him and grinned, “I’m going to beat you Tachibana.” 

“I don’t think so!” Makoto responded, arching his back, he kicked off of the block, gracefully arching through the air and cutting into the water. He began to swim. It was rhythmic, calming, and freeing. He could feel the water cutting around his body as he pushed forward. It was exhilarating. He was swimming again, Sousuke was right he could do it! He reached the wall, and spun around, kicking off of the wall, changing from front crawl to backstroke, opening up he really pushed himself. 

Soon he was back at the start standing up. He looked over to see Sousuke just finishing. Smiling he launched himself across the lane hugging Sousuke. “Thank you so much Sousuke, I did it! You were right! It felt so amazing! It was so freeing to swim again.”

Sousuke was caught off guard as two large arms were flung around him. He chuckled, awkwardly patting Makoto on the back. “See I told you. Now quit being an idiot and keep swimming.” He responded pulling himself out of Makoto’s grasp to see him smiling, a real smile. Not one of those half hearted ones, put on as a show, a true genuine smile that lit up his whole face. Chuckling Sousuke pulled himself out of the pool as Makoto took his position once again and pushed off again. 

Makoto cut through the water with ease. It was like riding a bike. The water felt so great. He had really missed this. Soon he had finished several laps, and he stopped opting to float on his back staring up at the ceiling. He would be okay. He could do this; he would fight, just like Sousuke told him to. Swimming felt right, he loved it; he loved how the water folded around you, almost as if it was hugging you. Telling you that everything would be okay. He smiled, Sousuke was right, he had remembered why he loved swimming: It was freeing and loving. Smiling to himself, he realized he had found a light to guide him through the darkness, and he would not return there ever again.


End file.
